Garbage Disposal

America's greatest embarrassment came in Iraq at the close of last year.  Iraq, a purportedly primitive and undisciplined nation, showed America how to deal with murderers.  In a display of judicial relevance that would cause apoplexy in the United States, Iraq's new government dispensed with all heart-bleeding and hand wringing and dispensed with a murderer in 56 days.

Fifty six days elapsed in Baghdad between the time a mass-murdering thug was sentenced to die and the instant his neck was stretched far enough from his body to make a difference to his soul.

Fifty six days.

Of course, there were detractors.

The UN on Sunday criticized the decision to sentence Saddam Hussein to death, calling upon local authorities to refuse the to hang the ex-leader. [i]

The U.N.  What would civilized people do without the U.N?  What would a prom queen do without that zit in the middle of her forehead on prom night?  Were there no U.N, Preparation H would sell far fewer tubes of ointment.

And then, there is the reasonable comparison, the United States.  By our own admission, we take 71 times as long to walk a convicted murderer from his (or her) jail cell to the gallows.

During 2004, 12 states executed 59 prisoners, six fewer than in 2003. The inmates executed had been under a death sentence for an average of 11 years, which was one month longer than the period for inmates executed in 2003. [ii]

These old numbers, for the last year uncovered through thoughtless Internet search, are sufficiently indicative of the United State's pattern of cruelty.  Previous years' statistics were no less appalling.

There comes a point of decision.  Cindy Sheehan[iii], who seems to have run out of things that will get her in the news, could take the reins on this one.  Rather than accuse President Bush (43) of invading Iraq for oil (again), Sister Sheehan might suggest a useful purpose for our presence there:  Murderer Disposal.

Iraq's judicial system, less than a year old, has already proven far more efficient than the United States'.  In the United States, two hundred years of self-criticism and prestigious law school matriculation has littered our cognitive landscape with highly-paid, highly-educated imbeciles who have devastated our criminal justice system.   America's courts are crippled; some say beyond repair.  Why condemn justice to our courts?  Why not grant justice where justice is still free?  Why not ship our convicted murderers to Baghdad?

Here's how everybody gains.

Ø       The moonbats (see: Cindy Sheehan) decry the long wait on death row, "suffered" by the murderers and inflicted on them as a result of the moonbat's own activities in court as they stifle the system of justice in America. 

Ø       Americans bemoan the cost of keeping murderers alive while they exhaust all their legal maneuvering.

Ø       Policy wonks worry about the cost of supporting Iraq.

 

America can pay Iraq to dispense speedy justice to those on whom America no longer has the courage to dispense that justice.

Yes, it is embarrassing.  Yes, it is crude.  Were it not so darned convenient and appropriate, it would be almost, well, just.

The Lost Angels Times says it costs ONE QUARTER OF A BILLION DOLLARS (yes, that was screaming) for each prisoner execution in California.[iv]  While California may be a bit excessive in treatment of its death row prisoners (they recently cut out lattes after brunch), they are useful for extreme calculation.

Were the United States to pay just half of that cost, per prisoner, for Iraq to execute our judicial system flotsam and jetsam, Iraq would pay for itself in services to our country.

According to the previously cited Justice Department press release, there were 3,315 state and federal death row inmates awaiting execution in 2004.  At a discount rate of $125 Million dollars per execution, the United States state department could hand over all 3,315 state and federal death row inmates, hand Iraq $414.375 Billion, and, to turn a phrase, Kill Two Birds With One Stone.

"This is crazy!" some might say.  "Where would we find all that money?"

Calm.  Please remain calm.  This sounds, at the outset, like a lot of money.  But if the Lost Angles Times is right (and they are never wrong), this means that the United States would save $414.375 Billion in execution and incarceration costs.

The advertisers of the Lost Angles Times know that shoppers can "save thousands" if they buy at the right time and in the right stores.  It's all funny money anyway.  (What do you call it when a group prints money they say is real but if you print the same money, they say it's counterfeit?)

The Boston Globe reports[v] that the Iraq War is costing taxpayers (assuming that the Boston Globe is talking about American taxpayers) $2 Billion per week.  At $125 Million per execution, that means that Iraq could pay its own way by executing just sixteen (16) prisoners each week.

With the precision and efficiency they showed last Saturday morning with Saddam, I think they could easily reach this modest goal.

And, to further extend the calculations, at $2 Billion per week, they could "pay as they go" for another 207 weeks.  That's almost four more years.  The Iraq war could continue, free of cost, for another four years were this modest proposal accepted.

The Iraqis, by showing how they are better at dealing with murderers than the United States, have opened the door to a whole new cottage business: garbage disposal.  Of the most toxic nature.

At the end of four years, the United States would have paid Iraq to pay for its own war, we would have saved $414 Billion (not spent it, mind you), and would have 3,315 more beds in our maximum security prisons available for later shipment to Iraq.

Perhaps Iraq is not as primitive as we originally thought.

 

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[i] UN Criticizes Saddam Death Penalty, The Jerusalem Post, Nov 5, 2006,[http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1162378330583&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle

[ii] Bureau of Justice Statistics, Press Release, Department of Justice, November 13, 2005, http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/press/cp04pr.htm

[iii] http://www.cindysheehanwatch.com/

[iv] Cost Studies, Death Penalty Focus,http://www.deathpenalty.org/index.php?pid=cost&menu=1

[v] Cost of War Nearly $2B a Week, The Boston Globe (online), September 28, 2006, http://www.boston.com/news/world/ middleeast/articles/ 2006/09/28/ cost_of_iraq_war_nearly_2b_a_week /?page=full